A Bitter Cold Pill
by maradeux
Summary: This is the "Bitter Pill" story line from Dragon Age II. But here, Fenris has a cold. It is a sick-fic including hoarseness, coughing, fever and spelled sneezes. (originally written as "Secret Santa" for a friend)
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1 – The Ambush**

"I'm not your slave!" Fenris yelled and his hoarse voice broke in the middle of the sentence. Alex Hawke – a young rogue with dashing red hair and freckles - looked at the white-haired elf from the corner of his eyes. He was a bit concerned because his friend obviously didn't feel at his best. The rogue took a step forward and looked up at the Tevinter slavers who were standing on a rock in front of their group. An ambush on their way to the Wounded Coast - Fenris' past had finally caught up on him – the men of his former master Danarius were here to claim his 'property' back.

"Fenris is a free man," Alex called in a firm, determined voice.

"I won't repeat myself. Back away from the slave now!" the leader of the group of slavers replied.

"I won't let you take him!" Alex shouted angrily and attacked the first mage in his reach with his daggers. "Obviously, they'll never learn it…" the dwarf Varric muttered behind them and started to shoot bolts from his crossbow at the slavers. Fenris himself wielded his giant longsword with both hands.

When the fight was over, the elven warrior rushed to the only surviving mage who was lying on the ground face down. He kneeled down on the slaver's back and grabbed his shock of hair to pull his head up; so he could see the face of the now very frightened man. "Where is he?" Fenris asked in a threatening tone. His voice was so hoarse now that Alex flinched at the sound.

"Please, don't kill me," the mage begged, but Fenris just slammed his head to the ground and shouted "Tell me!" his voice broke again. "I don't know, I don't know, I swear," the slaver almost cried in fear. "Hadriana brought us," the mage added. "She's at the holding caves north of the city! I can show you the way!"

If the mage hoped he would survive by giving this information, he obviously forgot who Fenris was – a man who had to endure the ordeal of slavery for a much too long time to know something like pity for a Tevinter slaver. "No need. I know which ones you speak of." The elf spoke and suppressed a cough.

"Then let me go. I beg you. I swear, I won't…" Fenris didn't let the slaver finish his sentence. "You chose the wrong master," he croaked and quickly turned the head of the mage; so his neck broke with an eerie sound.

Fenris coughed, then sneezed _HRKECHOU_ in the crook of his elbow. Obviously he had suppressed both for quite a time. "Hadriana," he rasped hoarsely. "I was a fool to think I was free. They'll never let me be."

Alex looked sad. He wished he could give his friend some comfort. If it was someone else, he would have laid him a hand on his shoulder. But the rogue knew how much Fenris hated to be touched. The Lyrium marks his former master had given him; and which were visible as white lines over the former slave's body, gave him special abilities – like phasing into the body of another person and tearing their heart out. But he also suffered from them. Alex couldn't even image the agony the former slave was feeling all the time. That's why he could show him his concern only with his words and gestures.

"Do you know the woman this mage spoke about?" Alex asked in a low voice, hoping his tone would calm down the elf a bit.

"I remember her well," the elf rasped while rubbing his ticklish nose. "A sniveling … _hnx_ … social climber that… _hnxt_ … would sell her own children if it… _hnx_ … would please Danarius. _HAKESHOU… HEPCHOU_ …" Fenris shook his head to recover from the sneezes. He rubbed his nose again which started to look slightly pink.

"Andraste bless you," Alex said in a concerned voice. He was looking up at the sky worriedly – heavy, dark clouds formed and a chilly breeze announced the upcoming rain. He could see the elf shivering.

"Are you alright, Broody?" Varric asked Fenris – as always using the cheeky nickname he found for him.

"I'm fine!" the elf shouted angrily with his raspy voice and fell into a coughing fit.

"Yes, very convincing..." the dwarven marksman muttered.

"If Hadriana is here, it's at his bidding. I knew he wouldn't let this go." Fenris said, ignoring Varric's remark. "The holding caves held slaves in the old times, but apparently they are no longer abandoned. " The elf had to cough again. "We must go quickly…" he rasped. "Before Hadriana… _hnx_ … has a chance … _hnx_ … to prepare… or flee. _HAKESHOU…"_ He shook from the force of another strong sneeze.

The clouds above them opened and it started to rain. It was a cold, heavy rain that drenched everyone in no time and left them shivering.

"Fenris…" Alex sounded very worried now. "I would really like to help you, but… I'm afraid you are not in the condition for a fight like this right now…"

"What do you mean?" the elf asked angrily in his frightening hoarse voice.

"He means you look and sound like death, Broody." Varric answered for Alex.

Hawke nodded. "You are obviously ill, Fenris… and we should get you out of this horrible rain before you get even worse."

Fenris' eyes flickered with rage. "I said I'm fine." he shouted again, his raspy voice cracking.

Alex sighing gave in. He knew, Fenris would go alone otherwise. "Alright… I know this is really important for you. So, when you're sure you are up to this… lead the way."


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2 – The Holding Caves**

They were walking for three hours through the mountains north of Kirkwall. The rain had made the rocks slippery and more than one time, Fenris had lost his footing and had to look for a hold. It was obvious that he didn't feel well. So – how could he be able to fight a Tevinter magister in this condition? But Alex and Varric had long given up their tries to ask the elf about this – he ignored their worry as well as all signs of illness his body showed. It seemed that all of his thoughts were with the mission, he had to accomplish. Finding Hadriana might be his only chance to find out, where Danarius could be. So, he probably just forbade himself to be ill right now…

When the three men finally reached the caves, they had to fight another group of slavers at its entrance.

"Good, that means she's still here," Fenris growled, then sneezed. _HMPSHHHHH_. He sniffed and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. His sneezes had started to sound wetter over the course of the day and his voice had gotten a slightly congested note.

"We must be careful," he rasped and coughed into his fist. "There were many such… _hntsh_ … holdings once where… _hmtsh_ … individual slavers kept private… _h…h_ … pens. _HMPSHHHHH_ …" He sneezed to the ground, rubbing his nose, then sniffed thickly. "Look out, there might be traps."

"Understood. Let's go in then… And bless you again," Alex said, his brown eyes filled with worry. Finding and disarming traps was the specialty of the rogue; and so he was the first one who entered the caves with wary steps. The entrance was dark, wet and narrow, but twenty feet inside, the cave opened into something that looked like dwarven ruins from old times.

"Looks like the deep roads…" Varric whispered, not sounding excited at all. There was probably no dwarf in Thedas who hated the former kingdom of the dwarves as much as him.

Alex found a trap in the passage before them and crouched down to disarm it. In this very moment, a demon emerged from the shades shrieking loudly and dug its eerie claws into the rogue's neck. The young man turned around in horror.

"Demons!" Fenris yelled, his hoarse voice cracking again and wielded his sword. Alex rammed his daggers in the demon's chest. The stab would have been deadly for every living man. But the demon hadn't got a heart, so it just shrieked again and beat the rogue once more with its sharp claws; this time hurting his left arm.

"Turn around and face me, demon!" Fenris taunted it hoarsely and cut off one of its arms with his sword. The demon turned around and shrieked into the elf's pale face. A good moment for Alex to stab his right dagger into the demon's neck. This hurt it badly; but it needed a bolt from Varric's crossbow, hitting it between its red eyes, to finally finish the monster off.

There were more demons, slavers and traps in the winding gangways of the cave; and when the group finally reached a bigger room, they were all exhausted and covered in blood – from both, their enemies and some own injuries. Fenris still wanted to go on – determination and rage in his burning eyes, but Alex and Varric could finally convince him, that they all needed a rest. Sadly, Anders couldn't accompany the group this time – he was busy at his clinic. Without the skills of the healing mage, they only had some poultices and bandages to treat their wounds. And Fenris… he looked and sounded worse with every other minute, but the friends knew, they couldn't stop him from his course. The men were sitting around a small campfire the slavers had used before and drank some water. Alex and Varric also ate a good part of their rations. Fenris declined, claiming, he wasn't hungry. This worried Alex even more. His friend must feel horrible. He should be in a warm bed with a blanket around him and not in a cold, wet cave in the mountains fighting demons.

The three men finished their rest and already wanted to leave the room, when they found an elven woman crouching in a corner, shaking with fear. She was the ugliest elf, Alex had ever seen – her face was hollow-cheeked with unnatural big eyes, a thin-lipped mouth and a really strange looking, long nose. Her blond, straw like hair was bound into a ponytail.

Fenris instantly went over and crouched down next to the woman. "Are you alright? Did they hurt you?" He asked her softly with his raspy voice. The woman looked at him with her much too big, green eyes. "They've been killing everyone," she said, her voice quavering. "They cut Papa, bled him…"

"Why, why would they do this?" Fenris asked – more to himself. He was afraid, he knew the answer…

"The magister…" the elven woman answered. "She said, she needed power, that someone was coming to kill her."

Fenris turned to the side and fought off a sneeze by holding his nose tightly between his fingers and thumb. He sniffed afterwards and rubbed his nose. "What is your name, girl?" he asked, his voice cracking at the last word.

"I'm Orana," she said. "Are you my master now?"

"No!" Fenris shouted, cracking his strained voice again; so, he ending coughing badly.

Orana turned around to fully look at the elf before her now. Her fear seemed to have waned. Instead, there was some worry in her gaze. "Are you feeling alright, sire? You look and sound quite ill." Gingerly, she put the back of her hand to his brow. "You have a fever…"

The elven warrior flinched at her touch, but his moves were friendly and cautious when he took her hand away from his face. "I'm fine, don't worry about me," he said, his hoarse and congested voice proving his words wrong.

"But I can cook, I can clean. I can also take care of you while you're ill. I often did that before…" Orana said.

Alex and Varric had watched the scene from a distance of a few feet. Alex didn't want to scare the woman even more, so he thought it would be a good idea to leave the conversation to the elf so far. And Varric… he might just think about what he would write in the next chapter of his story… As for Alex, he was stunned to see, how different Fenris dealt with this women than he did with anybody else. He somehow liked to learn about this softer side of the warrior; although he felt a sting of jealousy at the same time. And when he saw Orana feeling Fenris' forehead for a fever, his own hands burnt with the wish to do the same…

"Is the magister still here?" Alex asked the elven woman softly. She looked at him and nodded. "I think, so. Are you… really going to kill her?"

Fenris just looked away from her to the ground. He had to sneeze again. _HMPSHHHHHEEE…. HMPTSHEE… TSHEE…_ He just couldn't hold them back any longer. He was embarrassed and blushed while sniffing and rubbing his nose again.

"Andraste bless you," Orana said and gave him another worried glance. She also understood his silent answer to her question. "But when she's dead… what should I do then? Where could I go?"

The young woman sounded desperate. Alex looked at her – this thin figure in her plain cotton dress with her naïve, big eyes and her poor knowledge of the world… she just didn't look like someone who would find her fortune alone; not even like someone who would manage to find the way to Kirkwall without help.

"I know, this is an unpleasant place," the rogue said. "But it's safe here at the moment. So, when you're waiting here for us, we will return after we have… dealt with the magister. We will accompany you to Kirkwall then. There, you can go wherever you want. You can also work for me if you like."

He could see a hint of hope in the face of the woman after his words, but Fenris got angry. "I didn't realize you were in the market for a slave, Hawke." he growled; and his hoarseness emphasized the rage in his voice.

Alex sighed. How could his friend even think, he would… "I gave her a job," he answered calmly.

"Ah… then… that's good. My apologies," the elven warrior muttered and coughed into his fist.

Orana went a few steps in Alex' direction. "May I…?" she asked and pointed at his injured arm. "The bandage is too slack…"

The rogue nodded and crouched down in front of the woman. Orana removed the bandage, readjusted the elf root poultice and taped the wound expertly with skilled fingers. As naïve as she seemed to be, she did her work very well. "Thank you, Orana," Alex said smiling while standing up again. He put two silver coins in the young elf's hand. "That's your first wage. I will pay you regularly when you work for me."

Her eyes beamed. "That's for me? Thank you! I will treasure it forever." The young woman called out in surprise.

Alex smiled back at her. Then, the tree men left the room to go on in their search for Hadriana while Orana was hiding herself in her corner again, waiting for their return.

Finally, after a few more rooms filled with slavers, demons and traps, they found the magister herself. The young mage with her long black hair and her piercing blue eyes was surely prepared for a hard fight against the elven warrior and his friends. Again and again she summoned demons and was able to rescue herself into a bubble of invulnerability while the three men had to fight against the monsters. It was a really hard fight that demanded all their power. They were all covered in sweat. Fenris had trouble breathing. His vision blurred again and again. The ground was swaying and the world was spinning. He didn't know what happened around him anymore. Eventually, he just fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Fenris!" Alex shouted. The fear for his friend gave him the energy for the final, crucial strikes. With the last of their strength, Varric and he managed to overwhelm Hadriana. She was still alive; and while Hawke was rushing over to Fenris, crouching down next to the unconscious warrior, Varric tied her wrists behind her back and gave her a gag; so, she couldn't speak one of her spells anymore.

"Fenris, please, open your eyes," Alex whispered, his lips quavering. He still didn't dare to touch the elf, but his heart was throbbing and aching with worry.

The warrior was breathing heavily and moved his hands before he slowly opened his lids. Alex gave a sigh of relief. "Thanks the maker – you're alive!"

Fenris needed a moment to remember, where he was and why. But then, he seemed fully awake again and sat up. "Hadriana?" he asked. His voice had lost all of its sound. He cleared his throat and had to cough afterwards.

"Defeated, but alive," Alex said softly. "You can ask her out. I will poison her with Magebane while you're doing so." The elven warrior nodded and stood up. He was swaying slightly, but then went over to the mage with fast, firm steps.

After Alex had poisoned the woman, Varric removed the gag from her mouth. Magebane was an expensive poison, its ingredient rare and hard to find. To make it worse, the effect only lasted for a few minutes. So, the rogues seldom used the poison during a battle. But for interrogating a hostile mage, it was quite useful…

Fenris swung his sword over Hadriana's head. Alex and Varric didn't mind if he killed her. They just wanted to give their friend the opportunity to decide about her fate himself. But Hadriana used the chance of the situation. "Stop! You don't want me dead," she called out; and her piercing blue eyes showed a hint of fear – maybe for the first time in her life.

"There is only one person I want dead more," Fenris growled, glad to hear his voice had some of its tone back – although it sounded awfully hoarse and raspy. He also fought against another sneeze that was building up and angrily rubbed his nose with his left wrist while holding the heavy sword with only one hand. It threatened to fall down on the mage's head any second. Hadriana looked at the swaying weapon in horror. "I have information, elf, and I will trade it in return for my life," she hurried to add.

Fenris put the sword down for a moment and sneezed forceful into the crook of his elbow. _HMPSHHHHHEEE…. HMPTSHEE_ … He cleared his throat and sniffed wetly, rubbing his nose again. Then he took the sword again with both hands. "And what would that be? The location of Danarius? What good will that do me? I'd rather he lose his pet pupil." His hoarse voice was cracking and lost its sound again at a few parts of his speech.

Alex wondered while renewing the Magebane on Hadriana. What was Fenris doing there? Was that a bluff? Wasn't it his goal all the time to find out where he could find his former master? Wasn't that the reason for all their fighting today? And now he claimed he wouldn't be interested to know about it? This was… strange…

"You have a sister. She is alive," the Tevinter magister said. This assertion seemed to be surprising enough for the elf to finally put his sword back into the scabbard on his back. The mage gathered courage by his gesture and sat up, still carefully watched by Varric and Alex.

"You wish to reclaim your life? You want to know who you were? Let me go and I will tell you where she is," Hadriana said.

The white-haired elf seemed stunned and unsure what to do for a moment.

"It's up to you, Fenris," Alex said softly in the hope, his words would help his friend to decide.

The elf turned a bit and _HMPSHHHHHEEE_ _ **….**_ _HMPTSHEE… HMPTSHEE…_ sneezed harshly to the ground. So, this was the reason for his hesitation – he was fighting against the next sneezes…. The rogue could also see the elf shivering again and his worry for him was growing.

The warrior slowly went near to the mage, bowing down over her.

"So, I have your word? I tell you and you let me go?" the woman asked.

"Yes," he answered hoarsely, "You have my word."

"Her name is Varania. She's in Qarinus serving a magister by the name of Ahriman."

"A servant? Not a slave?" Fenris asked huskily and fell into coughing.

Hadriana waited until he had regained his composure. "She is not a slave," she replied then.

Fenris started glowing bluish; all his Lyrium marks were humming. "I believe you." he just said.

Alex knew what would happen now. He had seen Fenris using his special ability for several times already. Did the mage know? Probably not… With lightning fast speed, the right hand of the elf phased into the chest of the woman, tearing her heart out. Her body fell to the ground lifelessly. The warrior then just turned around, went past his friends and rasped "We're done here."

The rogue couldn't quite believe what he had just heard and seen. "Fenris… didn't you promise her…" The dwarf pushed him with his elbow into the side before Alex could finish his sentence. "Hawke," Varric whispered, "Maybe now isn't a good time to offer the elf constructive criticism."

Alex took a breath, then asked. "You want to talk about it, Fenris?"

"No," he shouted angrily, straining his poor sick voice even more. "I don't want to talk about it…" he interrupted the sentence for another bout of coughing; then cleared his throat and sniffed wetly before going on. "If the story is true or not… all that matters is I finally got to crush this bitch's heart. May she rot and all the other mages with her."

Hawke thought about a reply, mentioning friendly mages like Anders and Merril or his own sister Bethany; but it would probably be wiser to postpone this discussion to a later point in time. "Maybe, we should leave," he just said and put his hand on Fenris' shoulder in a sudden instinct. He could feel his body's heat even through his armour.

The elf flinched away from the touch and pushed Alex' hand back. "No, I don't want you comforting me," Fenris growled and the words sounded really harsh with his hoarse voice. Alex bit his lip, hiding his hurt behind half closed eyes.

"I… need to go," the elf added and went to leave the caves through the back exit.

"Hey, Broody," Varric called behind him. "You're sure you want to leave alone? You can hardly stand..." He didn't get any answer or reaction. The elf had gone. The dwarf shook his head. "Now, that's just stupid," he muttered.

Alex sighed. He still had to fight with the pain Fenris' rejection had caused him. "Well, let's go back to pick up Orana then…" he said. It was hard to see that the warrior had even forgotten about the former slave in his rage…


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3 – Back to Kirkwall**

Alex Hawke and Varric were glad to find the elven woman unharmed in the corner where they left her. And Orana was obviously relieved to see them, too. "Thank you for coming back sires. But… where is…" she looked from one man to the other – uncertainty in her gaze.

"You mean Fenris? The elf? He… is okay. Just needed some time for himself." Alex answered, but his voice sounded toneless and sad. So, his words couldn't reassure Orana and she looked at them questioning.

"He preferred to return to Kirkwall alone. And he's a strong, experienced warrior, so you don't need to worry about him, sweet bean-pole," Varric explained in a jovial tone.

Orana looked puzzled. "Bean-pole?"

Alex couldn't help but chuckle. "That's just Varric's way to make new friends. Let's go. Better, we're back in the city before nightfall."

* * *

There was a reason, Fenris had left the cave alone. He was so full of hate and rage after meeting one of his former torturers that he feared he might have hurt Alex and Varric or even worse – Orana. The bad feelings were so strong, he just couldn't control them. He growled and shouted into the stormy landscape until his hoarse voice finally broke completely. His throat burnt, his head ached, his blood was boiling with rage and fever, thumping alarmingly fast behind his temples and in his eardrums. He beat and kicked everything that came in his way – rocks, branches, rats and other creatures. His tantrum lasted the whole way back to the city.

When he finally arrived at the gates, he was completely run down and exhausted. He felt like he couldn't take one more step. But he had to reach Hightown – somehow… He showed the guards his papers. The guardsmen were eyeing the strange looking elf suspiciously, as they always did; and Fenris could be glad he had his temper in control now. The papers were authentic – they were signed by Aveline Vallen, the captain of the city guard; the guards finally let him pass.

If he had given in to his fatigue he would have passed out on the spot. He needed some distraction to manage the last part of his way. As he forced his thoughts away from Danarius and his past in Tevinter; there was only one other thing, he could think of… Hawke. He always called the man by his surname, never used his first. And everybody else, somehow, did the same. It was how they showed their respect for this man, for all the things he had accomplished. Hawke was a fugitive like him when he arrived three years ago. But now, almost everyone around knew his name. Most because he helped them; some because they hated or feared him. Either way – his name had a sound of importance.

For him, it was more than that. Hawke had helped him in his fights against slavers more than once. Unlike some other companions, he never questioned the elf's way of living. He was generous, gave him valuable presents; he even taught him to read. And although the rogue had a very different opinion concerning mages – probably because his own sister was one – he saw him as a dear friend; and as a very handsome man as well…

"Hey knife ear, could you at least cover your sneezes! That's disgusting!" The angry voice of a man teared Fenris out of his absentmindedness back into this rainy Kirkwall day. He felt himself swaying and leant against a wall, covering the next sneezes that wracked his body _HEMPTSHEEE… HEPTSHEEE… HEMPTSHEEE..._ "My apologies sire," he mumbled hoarsely, looking at the ground. The warrior rubbed his nose and tried to sniff, but it turned out to be completely blocked by now. So, all he could do was breathing through his mouth.

Apologies… When he looked up and around, Fenris became aware he was only a few steps away from Hawke's Estate. 'I should go in and talk to him,' he thought. 'At least, I owe him an apology for leaving him alone in the cave after he just wanted to help me…'

The white-haired elf went over and knocked at the door. He cleared his throat in the hope to improve his voice a bit, but only triggered a coughing fit. So, he was still bent over, coughing into his fist, when Bodahn opened the front door. "Sire Fenris?" he asked puzzled.

"I wadnt to speak Hawke," Fenris croaked. His voice sounded terrible and he wondered if the dwarf could even understand him.

Bodahn blinked his eyes in confusion. "Hawke isn't here… I thought… he was with you… But come in, come in! You look horrible, sire Fenris…"

The elf entered the hall and crushed down on one of the benches. He coughed again, and then sneezed harshly into the crook of his arm.

The dwarf frowned. "Maybe you'd better come and sit down by the chimney… I'll ask the lady…"

The warrior angrily shook his head. He couldn't answer as he had to cough again.

"What's going on here?" Hawke's mother Leandra asked and came over from the living room. Her grey hair was bound in a slack pony tail – as always; and she had slung a green cardigan around her shoulders. Her eyes grew wide in concern when she saw the pale face of the elven warrior. "Oh dear Maker, Fenris!" she called. "Looks like you've caught that nasty flu that's running around. Maybe we should call that healer Anders… Come with me," she offered, I'll open one of our guest rooms for you. They are warmer and more comfortable than the entrance hall…"

The elf raised his arms in annoyance. "Could you stop pabperigg be, all of you? I just wadt to sit here add wait. Is that so hard to udderstadd?" His voice had no sound, no power. It was not more than a weak, hoarse croaking. But his facial expression and body language made clear that he would have shouted the words loudly if he'd could.

Leandra was snubbed by his harsh words and stood a second in silent before she answered in a cold tone. "Very well, but you should at least blow your nose." She put her small white handkerchief on the bench beside the elf. Then, she left the hall and returned to the living room, shutting the door behind her energetically.

Fenris sighed with relief when he was finally alone. This irritated his raw throat and triggered another coughing fit. The elf slammed his fist on the stone bench in annoyance. He was fed up with this stupid cold. It was so embarrassing that everyone witnessed him in this weak, sick state. Reluctantly, he took the finely embroidered handkerchief to his nose and tried to blow. It gave a wet, gurgling sound; and the small cloth was filled in no time. He had the feeling, he could fill twenty more of those, but he had only this one. At least, the blow gave him a hint of release – a bit of the pressure in his sinuses had solved.

In this moment, the front door opened…

* * *

"Come in, Orana," Hawke said friendly, "I'll show you everything."

"Thank you, Master," the woman answered and took a few steps inside the building looking around.

Alex chuckled. "Please, just call me Hawke, or 'sire' if you like. I'm not your 'Master'…"

"Sorry, Mas… sire."

The two left some puddles of water where they stood. Outside, the rain was still pouring; and it was hard to tell if it was that dark only from the clouds; or if the sun had already set. Alex had given his cloak to the elven woman on their way back to the city. But – as all their other clothes and their hair and their shoes – it was soaking wet by now and both were shivering.

Fenris stood up from his bench and only now, Hawke became aware of his presence. His eyes beamed with joy and relief. "Fenris! I'm so glad you made it home alive," he smiled and wiped some raindrops from his face with the back of his left hand. "Wait a minute…" he said, then went to the next door, opened it, guided Orana into the living room and explained his mother in short words, who the woman was and what she needed. Leandra nodded and gave some orders to Bodahn. "But you should change out of those wet clothes, son," she added with a worried gaze on him.

Alex smiled at her. "I'll do that, mum. Just need a few minutes alone with Fenris," he said and closed the door behind him.

When he turned around, he saw the elf turning to the side and coughing into his fist. Alex went to the bench and crouched down next to him. "I had no idea where you went, Fenris, I was concerned."

The warrior shook his head. "I deeded to be alode… but dow… I'b here to apologize … _h…h…. HAREPTSHOU_ … sorry… Hawke…" he sniffed wetly. "I took out by agger od you, uddeservedly so. I was dot byself… _hep… hef… HEPTSHOU… HERFSHOU…_ sorry agaid…"

"Fenris…" Alex interrupted him softly. The rogue bit his lower lip not to chuckle. He felt that wouldn't fit and could even hurt his friend. But Fenris' sick voice sounded just too cute… "Please, do me a favor and blow your nose. You're not only totally hoarse; you are also completely congested. I can hardly understand a word of what you say…" He put off his checkered neckerchief and offered it to the elf who took it from his hands hesitantly. The cloth was wet, rumpled and a bit dirty, but its size was the fourfold of the small thing Leandra had given him. The warrior blushed and gave Hawke an apologetic gaze from his fever-bright eyes. He stood up and went a few steps away where he turned to the wall. There, he started to blow his nose, silently and softly at first. Then, when he felt how it solved the congestion, he blew with more effort. He was truly relieved when he finally could breathe through his nose again – if not freely and nodded at his friend thankfully.

"You and I don't always see eye to eye, Hawke, but that doesn't meadn you deserve my anger. I owe you adn apology." The elf turned around and coughed into his fist.

Hawke sat down on the bench in the hope, Fenris would do the same. He could see his friend swaying and didn't want to see him passing out again. "You don't need to apologize, Fenris. I think I can understand you. Thank you for coming here…"

The elf now really sat down again and Alex was glad his plan had worked. "When I was still a slave," Fenris told looking to the ground. "Hadriana was a torbment. She would ridicule me, dedny my meals, hound my sleep…" The elf sniffed and rubbed his nose where congestion already started to settle again. "Because of her status I was powerless to respodnd and she knew it. The thought of her slipping out of my grasp dnow… I couldn't let her go. I wadnted to, but I couldn't…"

Alex swallowed. What a sad and terrible story… He felt the wish to embrace the elf, to hold him tightly, to give him some comfort so he would forget about his dreadful past – if only for a moment. But after what happened in the caves, he didn't dare to touch the other man again… "She deserved her death, Fenris," the rogue said softly. "Never doubted it…"

But the elf continued in his speech. "I should be happy now that Hadriana is dead," he whispered raspily. "Instead, I feel dothing but… disquiet…" he had to interrupt for a bad coughing fit. His head turned all read from the effort; and Hawke looked at him worriedly. "You shouldn't speak so much, Fenris…"

The warrior just shook his head and continued. "This hate…" his husky voice quavered. "I thought I'd gotten away from it. But it dogs me no matter where I go… To feel it again to know it was they who planted it inside me… it was too much to bear." He stood up, swaying slightly again and turned to go. "But I didn't come here to burden you further," he whispered.

Alex hurried to stand up and rush behind him. Was the elf crazy? It was still pouring outside. And where did he want to go in his state? "Don't go, Fenris, please…" he said and before he could think of it, he grabbed the warrior's wrist. 'Oh no, what have I done,' he thought, when Fenris turned around in anger, glowing bluish. With surprising force in his poor condition, the elf shoved the rogue through the room and pressed him against a wall. Alex stood there in a shock, his heart thumping in his throat. He felt the fever heat of Fenris' body and was torn between deep concern and mortal agony. And just as he feared, the elf would tear his heart out every moment; the other man closed his eyes, opened his lips and kissed him. It was not a small kiss, no shy trying; it was long and intense, full of passion. Alex couldn't believe what just happened. And although there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him that the elf might not have done this without his high fever, he returned the kiss with all the obsession of his long-cherished feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4 – A Night and the Morning After**

After a few long moments, Fenris started to move unquietly in the rogue's arms and eventually broke away from Hawke's lips. Alex looked questioning at the warrior. But when he saw how the elf gasped and coughed to get some air, he understood. Of course – he couldn't breathe!

The rogue smiled. "Come…" he just said and gently took the elf's hand. He opened the door to the living room just a bit and lurked inside. To his relief, it was dark and empty. Only the remains of the last embers in the chimney gave a soft red shine. The rogue lit a candle that always stood ready on a table near the door and silently guided Fenris upstairs to his room.

He found his chimney filled with wood, he just needed to inflame with his candle. His bed was prepared with fresh linens and there even was a basket with fruits and a bottle of wine on his desk. Alex smiled – this must have been Orana's doing. Bodahn had never been this considerate.

Fenris turned the rogue around, pushed him against one of the high bedposts and kissed him again. The two men helped each other out of their armours. Alex enjoyed touching the elf, carefully avoiding his tender Lyrium markings. And although he was really scared how much his skin was burning, he was so aroused and full of passion that he forgot about everything else. He wanted this man – here and now. As it seemed, the elf felt similar. The two found their way to Hawke's bed where they spent a hot, passionate night.

Alex couldn't remember he'd fallen asleep. When he woke up again, it was already morning; and the place beside him was cold and empty. He wondered where Fenris was, when he heard a bad rattling cough. The rogue flinched. That sounded even worse than yesterday. Being out in the cold rain the whole time was surely not the best for the elf's health…

He found Fenris by the chimney. The warrior leaned with his right hand against the ledge, looked into the sparks and tried to regain his composure after the coughing fit; his breath wheezing. Frowning, Alex stood up, went over to the other man and rubbed his back soothingly. His heart ached when he felt the warrior's hot skin. "Wow, Fenris, you're still burning up with fever. Even in the morning… Why aren't you in our bed anyway? Couldn't sleep anymore? Or… was it _that_ bad?"

The elf turned around. "Oh, Hawke… I didd't realize you were awake already…"

Alex cringed when he heard the elf speaking. He didn't think after yesterday that Fenris voice could get worse, but it did… There was no sound left and all that came out of the man was a croaking rattle. "Fenris, stop speaking, please…" the rogue begged the other man softly. "You should hear yourself… It hurts listening to you like that. Come back to bed, please. You really need to rest." He laid his hand on Fenris' forehead and could see how the elf closed his eyes and visibly relaxed under his touch. Surely, the rogue's cool hand felt soothing for his fevered and probably aching head. But this lasted only for a moment. Then, the elf shook his head, opened his eyes again and slowly shoved Hawke's hand away. Only now, Alex became aware of the red ribbon, Fenris had tied around his right wrist. He recognized it smiling – it was one of the straps he used to bind his armour; and last night the two men had used some of them during their love games to tie each other to the bedposts. It meant a lot to the rogue that the other man wore this as a souvenir now…

"I cad't…" Fenris croaked voicelessly leaning his arm against the chimney again. ""Add it's dot… the dight was fide. No… that is idsufficiedt… It was better thad adythigg I could have dreabed." He fell into another bout of this terrible rattling cough.

Hawke was starting to get really angry now. He was furiously rubbing at his nose that happened to be annoyingly ticklish this morning and swallowed as his throat felt a bit raw. "Fenris… stop… speaking, please…" he said really loud, emphasizing his words with strong gestures.

The elf stopped and looked stunned at the other man. He'd never heard the usually witty and jovial rogue shouting like that– at least not to a friend…

"And please, blow your nose again…," the rogue added in a softer tone, opened a drawer and gave the warrior a whole pile of his handkerchiefs.

Fenris shook his head. "I already tried… doesd't work," he croaked.

Alex sighed and ignored the fact that his friend had spoken again. So, his poor nose was completely stuffed-up now… He made a mental note to prepare a bath and a tea for him later… "Alright…" The rogue took a deep breath. "Of course I want to know what's wrong. But we can do it that way – I ask the questions; and you only nod or shake your head. Do we have a deal?"

Fenris nodded smirking.

"Good… so… was it too strange to be with another man?"

The elf shook his head. "It's dot that…" he croaked.

Hawke growled. "Fenris… don't… speak!" - 'or I swear I knock you out and drag you to the bed,' he added in his thoughts. The annoying tickle in his nose was growing and he struggled against a sneeze that was building up. "Your markings…," he asked. "Did they hurt?"

The warrior smiled and shook his head.

'What a stupid question, Alex… of course they hurt… they always do… but that wasn't the reason either. So, what could it be?' the rogue thought still fighting with his ticklish nose.

"I… begad to rebebber…" Fenris whispered hoarsely. "My life before… just flashes…"

Hawke looked up in surprise. "You remembered? But that's good, isn't it? You wanted to have your memory back, right?"

The elf nodded shortly but then shook his head. "I dever rebebbered adythigg frob before the ritual… but there were faces… words… For just a bobedt I could recall all of it. Add thed… it slipped away… I'b sorry. I feel like such a fool… All I wadted was to be happy. Just for a little while… Forgive be…" He turned away and had to cough again badly.

Alex could see from the tension in his face, how much those tries of speaking hurt the elf. "Fenris…" he begged him again. "Please… stop…" This was the moment when the rogue lost the fight against his nose. His breath hitched, his eyes squinted shut, his nostrils flared and… _He… he… he… **REshou**_ … he sneezed against the back of his hand. "Maker…" He sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Sorry, Fenris…"

Silence…

The rogue looked up to see the elf's fevered eyes wide in terror. "Oh… Hawke, ndo…" he finally stammered hoarsely. „I gave you by cold… I'b so sorry…"

Alex bit his lips not to laugh out loud. _Fenris_ was _worried_ about _him_? He just wanted to assure him that it was nothing but a slightly raw throat and a ticklish nose when an idea flashed his mind…

"Well… I really feel a bit chilly…" the rogued said and rubbed his arms. "Maybe I should better lie down again…" He slowly went over to his four-poster bed and sat down on its edge.

The elf, who just wanted to leave the room, turned around and sat down beside him. "Cad I… do adythigg for you?" He asked; concern in his completely hoarse voice.

The other man shrugged. "Maybe... I don't know if you're comfortable with it…"

"Ask and it is dode." the elf croaked.

"Alright… I'm freezing," Alex said, deliberately overstating the little chill he felt and crawled under his covers. "Would you mind… lying down beside me to warm me up a bit?"

The warrior just nodded, undid his armour again and lay down next to the rogue. As soon as his fevered head met the pillow, his eyes fell shut. Soon, Hawke could hear soft snores from his poor congested nose. The rogue turned silently around with a broad grin. Tenderly, he caressed Fenris' hot face and ran his fingers through his white hair. This stupid, stubborn elf… He had been ill for days but rejected any help and ignored all their warnings; and so he'd gotten himself worse and worse… Hawke hadn't known what he should do to bring his friend to reason. How could he guess that all he needed was to get a little bit sick himself?

Hawke respected the elven warrior. He'd always done. He also accepted that the former slave turned down their romance after just one night; although it hurt him very much. But this little moment… felt like a victory.

Alex Hawke stifled a sneeze against the back of his hand so he wouldn't wake the sick man. Then, he smiled happily and kissed the warrior's hot brow.

THE END


End file.
